Krampus (dir. Michael Dougherty, 2015) It is a miserable Engel family Christmas. Tom and Sarah (Adam Scott and Toni Collette) are standard unhappy, upper middle class liberals having to tolerate her alcoholic aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell), her sister Linda (Alison Tolman) and her stereotypical conservative husband Howard (David Koechner). The children aren’t faring much better. … Continue reading Krampus (2015)

The Last Boy Scout (dir. Tony Scott, 1991) Joe Hallenbeck (Bruce Willis) is a private investigator, and like everyone in that profession, basically a scumbag. We are introduced to him passed out in a car and pulling his gun on some children trying to steal his watch after all. His wife Sarah (Chelsea Field) is … Continue reading The Last Boy Scout (1991)

The Ice Harvest (dir. Harold Ramis, 2005) Charlie Arglist (John Cusack) is—in the words and intonation of Jesse Pinkman—a criminal lawyer. He works for Wichita, Kansas mobster Bill Guerrard (Randy Quaid). This employment in no ways translate into loyalty, as Arglist and fellow criminal associate Vic Cavanaugh (Billy Bob Thornton) have stolen two million dollars … Continue reading The Ice Harvest (2005)

Serendipity (dir. Peter Chelsom, 2001) Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale) quite literally meet cute when they reach for the same pair of clothes on sale at Bloomingdale’s one Christmas Eve. They talk, they banter, they flirt, they share dessert at a popular Manhattan patisserie that has the same name as the movie, but … Continue reading Serendipity (2001)

The Sure Thing (dir. Rob Reiner, 1985) Walter Gibson (John Cusack) is what we would politely call a fucking dweeb. He hopelessly, lucklessly hits on every woman he meets, and it’s understandable why he keeps failing. It’s because he looks like a sixteen year boy who had to be legally emancipated in order to work … Continue reading The Sure Thing (1985)

Better Off Dead (dir. Savage Steve Holland, 1985) Lane Meyer (John Cusack) is a high school student and mediocre skier who is in love with the idea of his girlfriend Beth (Amanda Wyss), much to the consternation and confusion of his parents Al and Jenny (David Ogden Stiers and Kim Darby). When Beth dumps him … Continue reading Better Off Dead (1985)

Space Station 76 (dir. Jack Plotnik, 2014) Retrofuturism, seventies fashion, and all the attendant social mores of that decade come together aboard Space Station 76. It is headed by Captain Glenn (Patrick Wilson), who is not handling the breakup with his former subordinate Daniel (Matthew Morrison) well. His replacement Jessica (Liv Tyler) has her own … Continue reading Space Station 76 (2014)

Prometheus (dir. Ridley Scott, 2012) “What the hell is that?” “It’s Christmas. Need a holiday to show time is still moving.” Prometheus is probably the most unexpected Christmas film ever made. The fact that it takes place over the holiday only comes up in a couple of places. Text on the screen indicates that the … Continue reading Prometheus (2012)

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (dir. Nicholas Webster, 1964) John F. Kennedy declared in 1962 that America would go to the moon, not because it was easy, but because it was hard. It was some high soaring rhetoric that came crashing back to earth in the next year. Kennedy was killed. Hope seemed lost. But … Continue reading Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

White Reindeer (dir. Zach Clark, 2013) Suzanne Barrington (Anna Margaret Hollyman) is a living portrait of suburban bliss. She is a realtor, her husband Jeff is a meteorologist for a local television station who has received a job offer that would take them from Virginia to Hawaii. It seems like this Christmas will be a … Continue reading White Reindeer (2013)