It Happened on 5th Avenue (dir. Roy Del Ruth, 1947) Michael J. O’Connor (Charles Ruggles) owns a mansion right where the title suggests, but he winters in Florida. This strikes me as a little gauche for a multimillionaire described as one of the wealthiest men on the planet, but let’s go with it. Aloysius T. … Continue reading It Happened on 5th Avenue (1947)

Lady on a Train (dir. Charles David, 1945) Nicki Collins (Deanna Durbin) is a mystery novel obsessive. She’s traveling by train during the Christmas season. Through the window of her compartent she witnesses a murder occur. After arriving at the station, she rushes to report the crime to the police, but is ignored due to … Continue reading Lady on a Train (1945)

Die Hard 2: Die Harder (dir. Renny Harlin, 1990) Oh, man. I can’t fucking believe this. Another basement. Another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice? Die Hard made 140 million dollars in its initial theatrical run on a budget of 28 million. It received a sequel two years later. … Continue reading Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990)

Die Hard (dir. John McTiernan, 1988) There really isn’t much more than can be said about Die Hard. Starting in late November, every freelance writer starts on the same pitch about Die Hard and Christmas, and every December, they come out in full force. It doesn’t matter that we have read them all before. We … Continue reading Die Hard (1988)

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (dir. Tim Hill, 2014) Grumpy Cat, whose real pre-fame name I will not be using for reasons that will be apparent if you look it up, became an internet sensation in 2012 when her scowling visage hit Reddit. Add in some funny text befitting her appearance and possible opinions, and … Continue reading Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (2014)

P2 (dir. Franck Khalfoun, 2007) Angela (Rachel Nichols) has a vaguely defined office job at a vaguely defined business in New York City. She’s working late on Christmas Eve, which is always framed as somehow uncommon in movies and not standard for anyone in the retail or service industry. Angela makes her way to the … Continue reading P2 (2007)

Go (dir. Doug Liman, 1999) It has been twenty five years since the release of Pulp Fiction. That film and the rest of Quentin Tarantino’s directorial work have been canonized, and rightfully so, I think. They are formally audacious, memorable, and strangely inimitable given how many aspects of the films are homages, lifts, recontextualizations, and … Continue reading Go (1999)

Lethal Weapon (dir. Richard Donner, 1987) You know Lethal Weapon even if you haven’t seen it, right? Two mismatched cops trading wisecracks while solving crimes. Maybe Joe Pesci is hanging around for increasingly strained reasons. That’s what I used to think. For years I never saw a single one of the four films all the … Continue reading Lethal Weapon (1987)

Cobra (dir. George P. Cosmatos, 1986) Los Angeles is under threat from the Night Slasher, who has killed over a dozen people in December alone. There is no pattern to the murders or choice of victim. Men, women, and children have all been targeted. Who can stop this Christmas slaughter? Enter writer and star Sylvester … Continue reading Cobra (1986)

Reindeer Games (dir. John Frankenheimer, 2000) Nah, fuck that. Nick doesn't do anything until Nick gets something for Nick. I want some hot chocolate. You want to hear about some Indian casino, I want to see some goddamn hot chocolate! And a piece of pecan fucking pie! Opening on shots of carnage, devastation, and a … Continue reading Reindeer Games (2000)