Space Station 76 (dir. Jack Plotnik, 2014) Retrofuturism, seventies fashion, and all the attendant social mores of that decade come together aboard Space Station 76. It is headed by Captain Glenn (Patrick Wilson), who is not handling the breakup with his former subordinate Daniel (Matthew Morrison) well. His replacement Jessica (Liv Tyler) has her own … Continue reading Space Station 76 (2014)

Prometheus (dir. Ridley Scott, 2012) “What the hell is that?” “It’s Christmas. Need a holiday to show time is still moving.” Prometheus is probably the most unexpected Christmas film ever made. The fact that it takes place over the holiday only comes up in a couple of places. Text on the screen indicates that the … Continue reading Prometheus (2012)

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (dir. Nicholas Webster, 1964) John F. Kennedy declared in 1962 that America would go to the moon, not because it was easy, but because it was hard. It was some high soaring rhetoric that came crashing back to earth in the next year. Kennedy was killed. Hope seemed lost. But … Continue reading Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

White Reindeer (dir. Zach Clark, 2013) Suzanne Barrington (Anna Margaret Hollyman) is a living portrait of suburban bliss. She is a realtor, her husband Jeff is a meteorologist for a local television station who has received a job offer that would take them from Virginia to Hawaii. It seems like this Christmas will be a … Continue reading White Reindeer (2013)

It Happened on 5th Avenue (dir. Roy Del Ruth, 1947) Michael J. O’Connor (Charles Ruggles) owns a mansion right where the title suggests, but he winters in Florida. This strikes me as a little gauche for a multimillionaire described as one of the wealthiest men on the planet, but let’s go with it. Aloysius T. … Continue reading It Happened on 5th Avenue (1947)

Lady on a Train (dir. Charles David, 1945) Nicki Collins (Deanna Durbin) is a mystery novel obsessive. She’s traveling by train during the Christmas season. Through the window of her compartent she witnesses a murder occur. After arriving at the station, she rushes to report the crime to the police, but is ignored due to … Continue reading Lady on a Train (1945)

Die Hard 2: Die Harder (dir. Renny Harlin, 1990) Oh, man. I can’t fucking believe this. Another basement. Another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice? Die Hard made 140 million dollars in its initial theatrical run on a budget of 28 million. It received a sequel two years later. … Continue reading Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990)

Die Hard (dir. John McTiernan, 1988) There really isn’t much more than can be said about Die Hard. Starting in late November, every freelance writer starts on the same pitch about Die Hard and Christmas, and every December, they come out in full force. It doesn’t matter that we have read them all before. We … Continue reading Die Hard (1988)

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (dir. Tim Hill, 2014) Grumpy Cat, whose real pre-fame name I will not be using for reasons that will be apparent if you look it up, became an internet sensation in 2012 when her scowling visage hit Reddit. Add in some funny text befitting her appearance and possible opinions, and … Continue reading Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (2014)

P2 (dir. Franck Khalfoun, 2007) Angela (Rachel Nichols) has a vaguely defined office job at a vaguely defined business in New York City. She’s working late on Christmas Eve, which is always framed as somehow uncommon in movies and not standard for anyone in the retail or service industry. Angela makes her way to the … Continue reading P2 (2007)