Fred Claus (dir. David Dobkin, 2007) Sometime in the indeterminate, pre-industrialized past, there were two brothers born to the Clauses (Kathy Bates and Trevor Peacock), Fred and Nicholas. Fred was born first, but was quickly overshadowed by the younger Nicholas, who distinguished himself as exceptional almost from birth. Nicholas was so good, in fact, that … Continue reading Fred Claus (2007)

Santa’s Slay (dir. David Steiman, 2005) We all know that Santa Claus gives gifts every Christmas, but what Brett Ratner’s one-time personal assistant proposes if what he instead is the malevolent spawn of Satan and some woman named Erica whose reign of terror was stalled for a millennium because he lost a curling match to … Continue reading Santa’s Slay (2005)

Santa with Muscles (dir. John Murlowski, 1996) [EXASPERATED SIGH] Okay, so, Hulk Hogan stars as Blake Thorn, a health food and fitness magnate with a cult of personality. He has an accident while dressed as Santa on the run from the police—please don’t ask why—that results in that very common form of amnesia found in … Continue reading Santa with Muscles (1996)

Black Christmas (dir. Sophia Takal, 2019) This Black Christmas seems like it was doomed from the start. The marketing campaign did it no favors, revealing key aspects of the plot in the trailer. I can understand the reason why they thought it was a good idea. This new film, much like the first remake in … Continue reading Black Christmas (2019)

Cold Steel (dir. Dorothy Ann Puzo, 1987) Johnny Modine (Brian Davis) is a hotshot LAPD detective who will drive his car speeding off a ramp and over a freight train to get to the office Christmas party on time. His partner is much more timid and has a feud with the department’s vending machine. On … Continue reading Cold Steel (1987)

Ticky Tacky (dir. Brian Petsos, 2014) Lucien (Oscar Isaac) likes menswear, vintage pornography, and doughnuts. He dislikes infidelity, especially when it involves his girlfriend Claire (Erika Rankin) cheating on him with his cousin Nikolai (Tim Rock). He still has his loyal retainers in his assistant Marguerite (Helen Rogers) and Gabriel (Julian Shatkin), a boy in … Continue reading Ticky Tacky (2014)

Love Actually (dir. Richard Curtis, 2003) I write this the night of the UK general election. It is bleak. Another Labour defeat and the victory of Boris Johnson and the Conservative Party feels like a capstone to not just a bad year, but a dismal decade. Brexit and the privatization of the NHS are near … Continue reading Love Actually (2003)

The Shop Around the Corner (dir. Ernst Lubitsch, 1940) The other James Stewart Christmas classic. Budapest before the war. Hugo Matuschek (Frank Morgan) runs a successful leather goods store. His best employee is Alfred Kralik (Stewart), the most smalltown American man in Hungary. The Christmas season is upon us, and Klara Novak (Margaret Sullavan) is … Continue reading The Shop Around the Corner (1940)

Black Christmas (dir. Glen Morgan, 2006) Bob Clark’s 1974 film Black Christmas is regarded alongside John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) as one of the earliest and best slasher films. It did not spawn the staggering number of sequels that Halloween did for a couple of fairly obvious reasons. Black Christmas never reveals its killer, which is … Continue reading Black Christmas (2006)

The Night Before (dir. Jonathan Levine, 2015) I felt so tired watching The Night Before. It’s not a bad film. It’s competently made, decently acted. I laughed at a number of scenes. I have enjoyed a number of things with Joseph Gordon Levitt, Seth Rogen, Anthony Mackie, and everyone but James Franco. But something about … Continue reading The Night Before (2015)